This isn't how it was meant to be.  

Of course I expected it to be difficult back in 1998 when I first went to Madagascar. I didn't know anyone, I had never experienced life in another culture, and I couldn't even pronounce the name of the town I was going to!  

However, that was then -- this is now. Six years of preparation later, to be exact.  I thought I had equipped myself quite well this time.  Surely this isn't how it was meant to be?  And yet, somewhere deep down, I know that this is exactly how it was meant to be.

For someone who, as a child, didn't want to live further than 20 miles from home, I have traveled a long way.  I grew up in a Christian home and gave my life to the Lord at a very early age.  And, despite the images and news reports broadcast during the 1970s and '80s, life in N. Ireland had always been straightforward, safe and secure for me.  I had expected that it would stay that way, but it didn't.

Eye-openers
As Jesus healed the blind man at Bethsaida (Mark 8:22-26), God opened my eyes to the outside world in a two-stage process.  The first stage came in the form of university, for which, I moved to Scotland.  The course I studied in Glasgow was Biomedical Science, which didn't qualify me to be either a doctor or a nurse, but a laboratory scientist.  

During my studies, I met some really down-to-earth people who were not doctors, nurses, pastors, or teachers and yet they’d been involved in a short-term overseas mission.  This dispelled all of my previous notions as to what 'made' a missionary and what types of jobs missionaries could fulfill.  

Realizing that, yes, God can use laboratory scientists too, I began to feel the challenge of serving in some kind of short-term mission.  This led me to the second stage of my eye-opener, which took place in the Good News Hospital, Mandritsara, Madagascar, from March until November 1998.  

Before leaving the UK, I realized that those 9 months were going to be difficult, and I expected that it would be my life's sacrifice to God.  I assumed that afterwards, I would be able to get on with life in N. Ireland, just as I had always planned.  Those 9 months were difficult, but they were not a sacrifice.  In fact, I was the one who benefited the most!  

However the real eye-opener was the realization that it was not my 'sacrifice' of 9 months that God wanted. He wanted my life. So at the end of my nine-month short-term mission to Madagascar, I left . . . but with an unexplainable certainty of my return.

I knew that there were a number of things I had to do before I would be accepted to serve overseas with a mission society such as SIM.  So once my feet were on UK soil again, 'Operation Preparation' was underway! Finally, in January 2005 I was on my way to Mandritsara, just over 6 years after I first left for Madagascar.

‘What’s going on here?’
The fact that I had previously been in Mandritsara helped a lot, and prevented the initial culture shock that new missionaries often feel. However, the initial excitement of meeting old friends and settling into a 'home' after what had felt like years in transit, soon gave way to a ‘So what's going on here?’ feeling in the pit of my stomach.  Things were not going as I had planned.  In fact, all of my preparations seemed to have been in vain. 

Haematology in Edinburgh involved sifting through the 'normal' results to find an abnormality, whereas haematology in Mandritsara involves sifting through the abnormalities in an attempt to find a 'normal'.  I see parasites down my microscope that were only in textbooks back in the UK.  (In fact, haematology text books and study aids could be compiled here!)  

Bible college was great.  I enjoyed looking at different aspects of mission, studying the Bible from angles I had never considered before, and learning a few practical skills along the way. However, putting those things into practice while on the mission field is definitely easier said than done.  Accepting that I was the missionary and the one living 5,000 miles from home hasn’t been easy.  

Language learning!  What language learning?  People who live in and around the Mandritsara area speak neither French nor the official Malagasy that I studied, but the Tsimihety dialect.  When I speak in Malagasy, the people usually understand me, but when they reply, I am completely lost.  

I had not expected that and it was, and is frustrating, to say the least.  I thought I had prepared myself quite well this time.  This isn't how it was meant to be. And yet, somewhere deep down, I know that this is exactly how it was meant to be!

You see, while I was in the throes of preparing myself, God was the One making all of the really necessary preparations in my life.  He knew the difficulties I would face, and so he gave me a stubborn determination to keep on going, despite the frustrations.  

He knew that there would be times when I would resent being the 'missionary' far from friends and family, so he prepared my heart with a love for the Malagasy people so that it would not be hard to develop good friendships with them.  

He knew that at times I would feel useless and incapable of doing anything worthwhile, so he planted in me an assuredness of my call and of his plan for me.  I am certain, without a doubt, that part of that plan for me, is right here in Mandritsara. 

This is exactly how it was meant to be.